Friday, March 18, 2011

Sunday, September 26, 2010

When trying to lose is just maintaining a win or a loss?

We've all been here. When you're trying to lose, do you get down on yourself during your weekly check-in when you step on the scale and find you are the same weight?

I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. When you are trying to move the needle lower and you are basically diligent about whatever diet you are on, you want your work rewarded.

Notice I said "Basically diligent" which is code for not 100% faithful, but in the ballpark of being a good boy.

When I first began this odyssey, I recall a similar arc during my first month where I lost big in week one and was a bit shell shocked by the loss in the subsequent weeks. I know in my heart I was much more strict at following the boundaries of the plan back then. So when you retreat to your better ways of eating, you have to be strong enough to not look at the scale as your guide to success. You have to know in your heart that if you stick to it long enough, the reward you are seeking will follow.

Being self aware: knowing what you did right and wrong this week is critical to success.

I can be disappointed that I didn't lose while also being cool with maintaining. I know that sounds schizo, but it's true.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Going Lower on the High Holidays

Today I clocked in 2 pounds lighter than last Friday. Down 12 pounds now in 2 weeks.

Go Team Me!

It's the first 2 week stretch of being pretty observant to the plan and I am feeling a lot better about myself and the progress I have been making.

Today begins Yom Kippur - the holiest day of the year for us Jews. As such, we begin a period of fasting.

Kinda hard to gain weight when your fasting, I guess - so I atone for all my misgivings - false starts - failed promises to myself and others and begin anew.

To all my friends and followers, I wish you all peace during this solemn day of reflection and thank you for your continued support.

Love,

Steve

Friday, September 10, 2010

Spin, Spin, Spin!

The scale continues to surprise me (more spin).

Hopped on for my one-week weigh in and was shocked to see a 10 pound loss.

Anyone who is connected to me on Facebook saw the pictures of the ribs, and only me and my conscience know about the peanuts at the Dodgers game, and the other little skirmishes that occasionally occurred thru the week.

Thrilled beyond belief.

It's a start. Already the jeans are fitting looser, the belt is one notch tighter and I feel like real progress was made.

Friday, September 3, 2010

When Truth is A Casualty: Believing Your Own Spin

When you are a veteran PR guy, as I am, the worst thing you can ever do is believe your own bullshit.

Before I stepped on the scale today, I played out this whole scenario in my head about what was an "acceptable" number to gain given I hadn't seen the doctor in several months.

Throwing out numbers like this is a dangerous game. Complete utter lunacy, actually.

But let's play it out here for a sec so you can see the way my sick little mind was working. I figured, it was over four months since my last visit, so 20 pounds was somehow ok.

Forget that I pulled that number straight out of my ass.

Forget that I had been promising myself I was gonna go to the doctor for weeks prior to actually mustering the courage to just go.

20 pounds became the acceptable gain.

As I hopped on the scale this morning, biting my lip and hoping the healthy crap I took when I woke ups would somehow matter when the final tally popped up on the screen, I knew I was fucked.

And then my deal with the devil - my 20 pound arbitrarily acceptable gain - gave me the easy out.

I only spiked 15. Well, hey now and Hallelujah!

Angels were singing. Cute little animated birds were flying around my smug smiling face and they were chirping.

In my mind, I had been spared humiliation because miraculously I was actually under what I thought I had packed on since April.

"Wow, not as bad as I thought," I told the nurse.

The only victim here is truth.

In reality, I am up closer to 35 pounds since my low. And if that's not depressing and infuriating to me, nothing is. I have fallen for my own hype. Whatever will power and resolution I once possessed has given way to weakness.

If you look back on the blog, you can count the number of posts in recent months that proclaim, I am back and I'm better than ever.

Well, I'm back, warts and all. Trying to find my way thru this mess. The pledge I have made to my, myself and I, is to try to lose much of what I have gained these past months by my birthday - October 24th.

It's a lofty and ambitious goal and one I can meet if I truly focus on my eating and exercise with the same strength and conviction I had back in February of 2009.

So,  time to stop spinning and start all over again.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Return of the Fling

Tomorrow I head back to the Doctor after a long absence.

I keep starting and stopping and promising myself I will be good tomorrow but tomorrow becomes next week and next month.

Been putting this off way too long. It's been 4 months since my last face to face with the team and I really don't want to face the music, but at a certain point, it's playing way too loud.

This has been a bad fling.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Wow, that spiral staircase takes a long time to navigate when you are going down, down, down.

Why the fuck did I work so hard for so long only to throw it away so quickly?

I sat in a room of colleagues today cavalierly downing pizza. Then I went to the movies with Hannah where it was a bag of popcorn. Then to dinner for sushi and menchis for dessert.

What has happened to you, Elzer?

Get a grip, man!