Friday, September 3, 2010

When Truth is A Casualty: Believing Your Own Spin

When you are a veteran PR guy, as I am, the worst thing you can ever do is believe your own bullshit.

Before I stepped on the scale today, I played out this whole scenario in my head about what was an "acceptable" number to gain given I hadn't seen the doctor in several months.

Throwing out numbers like this is a dangerous game. Complete utter lunacy, actually.

But let's play it out here for a sec so you can see the way my sick little mind was working. I figured, it was over four months since my last visit, so 20 pounds was somehow ok.

Forget that I pulled that number straight out of my ass.

Forget that I had been promising myself I was gonna go to the doctor for weeks prior to actually mustering the courage to just go.

20 pounds became the acceptable gain.

As I hopped on the scale this morning, biting my lip and hoping the healthy crap I took when I woke ups would somehow matter when the final tally popped up on the screen, I knew I was fucked.

And then my deal with the devil - my 20 pound arbitrarily acceptable gain - gave me the easy out.

I only spiked 15. Well, hey now and Hallelujah!

Angels were singing. Cute little animated birds were flying around my smug smiling face and they were chirping.

In my mind, I had been spared humiliation because miraculously I was actually under what I thought I had packed on since April.

"Wow, not as bad as I thought," I told the nurse.

The only victim here is truth.

In reality, I am up closer to 35 pounds since my low. And if that's not depressing and infuriating to me, nothing is. I have fallen for my own hype. Whatever will power and resolution I once possessed has given way to weakness.

If you look back on the blog, you can count the number of posts in recent months that proclaim, I am back and I'm better than ever.

Well, I'm back, warts and all. Trying to find my way thru this mess. The pledge I have made to my, myself and I, is to try to lose much of what I have gained these past months by my birthday - October 24th.

It's a lofty and ambitious goal and one I can meet if I truly focus on my eating and exercise with the same strength and conviction I had back in February of 2009.

So,  time to stop spinning and start all over again.


  1. There he is, glad you're back! Sucks to be up 35 pounds from your low, but being a half-full kind of gal myself, perhaps you should remind us (and yourself) how many pounds you are DOWN from your HIGH. That sounds a lot more motivating to me . . .

  2. Yay, Steve! So glad to hear you're back on track - again? You will stay there this time, right?


  3. here's how to lose weight...i come over to your house, and pound the shit out of you. poof! you'll then only need to lose 20 lbs on your own to meet your goal. i'm cleaning my garage, making room for that car.